I’ve always been worried about people being into me. Am I interesting enough? Will they dislike the actual me? Will I have to spend my entire life trying to be the ‘cool’ girl rather than be myself? In addition, I can sometimes become very attached and I thought it was innocent, but it was my fault for being so infatuated so fast. I couldn’t figure out why I would become so engulfed in a person and unable to remove myself when need be.

“Will I have to spend my entire life trying to be the ‘cool’ girl rather than be myself?”

But recently, I finally made a differentiation between being in love with someone and being in love with the idea of someone. Matter of fact, I also realized I’ve never been in love with someone. Completely blinded by wanting to fit the fairytale instead of actually being the right piece for the right puzzle.

” …differentiation between being in love with someone and being in love with the idea of someone.”

I made a connection with someone who I’ve always had a strange connection to. The timing was never right but eventually, we came together after three years. I was willing to take a risk for him even though so many people would be affected by us; so many people would resent it. But I was willing to risk it all. Little did I know, I was just an ornament, a trophy to place right on his forehead for everyone to see until it got too heavy; too much for him to risk it all.

“I was just an ornament”

As I confronted him about the whole situation, it was made pretty clear that it was the thickness of his head that ruined it rather than anything I did. At my age (early 20s), it seems everyone is too concerned believing the world revolves around them, rather than being simply considerate or just honest or upfront. No one wants to be made a fool and everyone just wants to be loved and to love…and that’s universal. I guess I just urge people to learn how to differentiate being in love and being in love with the thought of it. It’ll save you from that pit of disappointment every time something fails. It’s better to just wait for the real thing I guess.

“Wait for the real thing”